steps to get unstuck and move on
I was watching the MasterChef finals on a Sunday;
The 4 finalists, who have grown so much after going through levels of challenges, harsh feedbacks, mistakes and fierce competitions among peers, continued their growth journey in the pursue of excellence.
And among the best of the best, what differentiates the best from the rest?
Probably not their skills in cooking anymore – but how one can stay calm and THRIVE under stress – so that they can get over the noises in their head, make the right decisions, take carefully calculated risks, prioritize and manage time wisely.
Which makes me wonder, if all the challenges and distractions in our lives are being taken out, meaning we have a perfect environment to sail through life smoothly, will I still be the same person as who I am today?
The brutal truth is,
We don’t want to change, unless we NEED to.
Of course, we want THINGS to change –
the government, the economy, the policies, people in leadership, the culture, the partner, the children etc
But what about the changes that are needed to happen within ourselves? Like:
- how we relate to ourselves
- how we relate to others
- how we handle rejection, disappointment from ourselves and from others
- how we manage our fear and anxieties
- how we motivate ourselves
- how we use our time wisely
- how we keep our promises – to self and to others
- how we protect our boundaries
- how we make decisions that align, not betray our core values
Why is it so hard to change ourselves?
Because it’s in our DNA to stick with the safe, secure and familiar.
Why history always repeats itself?
Because the past has a momentum. Who we are now is a product of our past.
So the key to change who we are – is all about our HABITS – habits of being, thinking, responding, and doing.
When do you know you need to change, and it is a right time to do it now?
When the compelling force to breakfree from your pattern is coming from within you, not outside of you, and that force feels too strong to be ignored or suppressed any longer.
Shall we just admit that we play a major part in what we are currently facing right now, and take back the responsibility as a co-creator of our future?
4 Steps To Get Unstuck And Move On
If you have been staying stuck in a situation for a quite a while and doesn’t seem to have much progress in “moving on”, here are some steps to propel you forward:
1. Change Your State = Change Your Current Version of Reality
Making plans, or worse, decisions when you are in low vibes are very much like drunk-driving: the more you do, the more harm you are making!
So when you are feeling impatience of your progress, hopeless in your future, or in a download spiral of emotions while beating yourself up, don’t struggle to DO anything extra that could get yourself even deeper into the quicksand.
Instead, focus on BEING more expansive. More light-hearted. More excited and eager about how the future will be unfolded.
>>> What makes you come alive?
Usually, it would involve taking a healthy created risk out of your norm like:
- ignoring your to-do list to go take a walk along the seaside
- travelling to a new, exotic destination
- buying a red dress that one day you’d dare to put it on
- taking a roller-coaster ride
- singing karaoke freely or dancing like a diva
- wandering in the neighbourhood with no plans
- joining a meet-up with no expectations
- registering to a new course that you’ve been eyeing for long
- going to a nice new restaurant that you anticipate a fresh and unique dining experience
The surge of vitality, youthfulness and the feeling of carefree that comes from doing something new, something exciting and slightly rebellious, are wonderful activators for a renewed state of mind.
And then, and only then, make plans from this state of mind.
It’s your responsibility to raise yourself up (Try affirmations + Mirror Work!). Commit to getting yourself into a high-vibe state every day, and yes, better put this on the FIRST priority of your to-do list!
2. Put A Deadline
Often times when we are sinking into the quicksand of whatever we are struggling with, seeing the end of the tunnel, even if it’s just a thought inside your head, can be pivotal in restoring hope and our upward momentum.
What I’m talking about is an energetic closure – not necessarily a resignation letter in this red hot minute before you are ready, but a mental note of putting a deadline to your current unsatisfying situation.
So just decide. Make a deadline for it. And (most important step) start making plans, taking actions and getting yourself READY for the transition to happen!!!
Like you’d visualise on your last working day how you are going to conduct a professional handover of your projects to the next person, and how you are saying goodbye to your coworkers and clients with grace and gratefulness, and how you are going to summarise your learning one more time before you leave this life stage entirely.
And then work your way backwards – and start adjusting your work plan accordingly!
Doing this alone opens up lots of clarity and breathing space for many of my clients.
3. Add Carrots, Define Signposts of Progress
If you are a to-do list person like me, most of our everyday attention goes to looking at the GAP –
What hasn’t got done? Where do I have not enough time, cash, courage, opportunities etc?
Focusing on the LACK is not very motivating – You’d better reward yourself by adding incentives!
So what can you do to CELEBRATE when you get an important-and-challenging task done?
How would you THANK yourself with when you’ve done something courageous that deserves applause from the crowd?
How would you ENCOURAGE yourself as you were a friend?
Also you can define milestones of progress so you know if you are on the right track!
4. Actions Create Momentum and Excitements, Not The Other Way Round
Maybe you’re thinking – What if I’m very anxious about taking the first step?
The answer is,
When you move, courage comes – not the other way round.
You see, courage is actually an energy that needs to be accumulated.
It’s like dedicating just 15-min a day to work out for 3 months can create more momentum, and thus more effective and sustainable than hitting the gym for half a day on a random weekend when you feel like it.
If you just start taking small steps ahead, you gather the courage to make the bigger moves when you are ready.
steps to get unstuck and move on
So I encourage you to make a ONE-ACTION-A-DAY RULE: Create a small action that you can do every day that moves you closer to your goal.
We’ve already discussed how our history predicts who we are because of the momentum.
So the only way to stop the train is to revert it by changing our habits.
Since we all have blind-spots, strong resistance to leave our comfort zones, and our avoidance to face our own truth, doing this all on your own can feel very frustrating, overwhelming, and discouraging when we waste our efforts in throwing spaghetti on the wall with no strategies.
The bottom line is, don’t struggle alone.
Transforming your life is a HUGE life project on its own!
The good news is – I’m opening a few more spots of the Career Reboot Intensive 1:1 for the summer!
If you are ready to get dedicated support to REBOOT your career and life, APPLY TO WORK WITH ME.