Jun 2019: Self-Respect
Why Self-Respect Is The Root of Personal Power
Is one of your weaknesses being TOO NICE?
Like, you are always the first person to give an apology, regardless of whether it’s your fault, to make peace?
Or when different opinions are expressed, you usually are the one to compromise, even though it’s not what your heart says?
Perhaps, your supervisor(or in-laws) has asked you to do something that went slightly too far to your value standard, you’ve struggled, but let her impose her will on you?
Harmony seekers, I feel you.
You just don’t want to rock the boat and make dramas out of miscellaneous things like where to have lunch.
You don’t want people to hate you because you always want to do it your way.
Sometimes you might wonder…Why are you always surrounded by bullies who take you for granted?
Why those crazy people keep pushing your buttons and walk over you?
I respect everyone’s opinions but why it’s not reciprocal??
Is it true that nice guys/gals finish last???
Do you want to improve situations like this?
You might think you’ll need some assertiveness training, and to build your confidence.
Yes, you’ll definitely benefit from it.
But before that, let’s talk about self-respect.
- I treat and honour others the same as I treat and honour myself
- When I say I’ll do something, I get them done, including promises I made to myself (Still remember your new year resolutions?)
- Everything that I speak, write and do aligns with my integrity. Being honest is more important than being liked.
- I do not betray my standard and core values even when it means I’ll need to communicate it gracefully that might still upset others
- I believe in myself and my worth, in spite of criticism, judgement or discrimination
- I’m humble to take constructive feedback, but I won’t tolerate it when someone is trying to overpower me with personal attacks
- I stand on my core values, regardless of peer pressure
- I respect other people’s freedom of speech to express their opinions, and I have the equal right to express mine
- When I say sorry, I really mean it and don’t try to find excuses
- I say No when I need to, and I say yes without feeling embarrassed
>>> WE EDUCATE how other people treat us by DEMONSTRATING HOW SERIOUSLY WE TAKE OUR PROMISES, to others and to ourselves.
For example, your coworkers ask you “What do you want for lunch?”
You reply, ” Oh Japanese food would be nice. Something light as I’m on diet. But I’m okay with anything you want.”
That last sentence is like a buffer to “cover up” when you are expressing your desire, which feels a little bit inappropriate, and selfish.
No, you are just responding to a simple question. 🙂
Yet if we habitually give in in our everyday simple decisions, we TRAIN those people to ignore us and keep pushing, because they KNOW you can’t say NO for 3 consecutive times and not feeling guilty (this is a manipulative sales technique by the way)
The point is not to insist on where to get lunch, it is about HOW you express yourself and your opinions WITHOUT FEELING APOLOGETIC.
Bottom line is, we see ourselves and other human beings as an equal, regardless of rank, family hierarchy, education level etc
You are not more powerful than anyone.
No one is more powerful than you.
That is the ultimate Self-Respect.
Which reminds me of this sweet parenting video.
My Recent Personal Experiment To Liberate My Life –
If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I’m an advocate of personal freedom in whatever shapes and forms.
Recently it starts to bother me that even though I like coffee and chocolate a lot, psychologically I am “addicted” to them, and being reliant on something, someone, or somewhere outside of myself is everything BUT what freedom feels like.
Therefore I started a challenge of giving up coffee & chocolate for 30 days.
It feels unfamiliar in the first 3 days. What I miss most is the 2 minutes when I pour hot water over ground beans while the golden liquid dripping through the glass funnel. And the smell of freshly brewed coffee. That was my mindfulness ritual where my mind goes absolutely empty.
But that’s it – my body doesn’t NEED coffee to wake me up nor chocolate to give me a boost of dopamine.
I’m now half-way through it, and feeling a small WIN every time I feel the temptation and able to divert my attention to something more productive! It feels wonderful strengthening my will power through this personal experiment!
I think I’ll still enjoy coffee & chocolate once in a while after the detox, but by then, I’ll be having a very different relationship with them.
What’s your take to live a life feeling totally liberated?
What I’m Currently Reading –
I love my virtual mentors! This month I’m reading:
The CEO at my first job used to say all the time, “Everyone is a salesperson.” I kind of know that intellectually but haven’t really let that sink in until I started my own business. Persuading, influencing, enrolling people to join your movement, or showcasing your brilliance at a job interview requires SKILLS to sell your value to get you visible, recognized and respected. This classic is worth revisiting.
A classic written in 1910, which is the book that inspired The Secret movie, and the idea of Law of Attraction spreads worldwide since then. This is a little book on money mindset that sets a solid foundation of everyone who wishes to have more resources to make impacts to the world
Investing in yourself always has the highest ROI – Keep Learning, keep growing 🙂